


All the Words You Want to Say

by pinkie2054



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Anxiety, First Meetings, Fluff, Love Triangle, M/M, Mute Character(s), Mutism, Selectively Mute Character(s), Slow Burn, not really - Freeform, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:16:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27676616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkie2054/pseuds/pinkie2054
Summary: and the ones you left unspoken.Sykkuno was not prepared for anything extraordinary to happen when he switched to the morning shift at his part time job as a barista. He was definitely not prepared for a handsome, mute man who always wears a mask to start appearing every day at the coffee shop. Enter a world of friendship and romance as these two build their relationship. But, everything changes when his friend, Sean introduces him and his streamer friends to a man named CORPSE with a voice that melts Sykkuno's heart. Sykkuno doesn't know who to choose and Corpse? Corpse is just trying to keep everything from falling apart.
Relationships: Corpse Husband & Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 152
Kudos: 703





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Ok in this sykkuno’s real name is sykkuno, and corpse’s real name is adam. Go with it. COVID isn’t a thing. They are still streamers but that comes in later. I hope you enjoy!! 
> 
> Also, I don’t think either corpse or sykkuno have stated that they are uncomfortable with fanfiction, but if either of them say anything like that, this will be taken down.

**Sykkuno’s POV**

I yawned, the kind of yawn that makes your eyes water and gives you the need to stretch. My entire body felt sluggish, almost like a sedative coursed through my veins with the way that my movements seemed delayed. Today was not my morning. The sun mocked me with it’s presence, glaringly bright as it poured through the windows of the cafe. I tried not to squint my eyes as to not appear off-putting to incoming customers. 

I should not have stayed up so late streaming last night. I never suspected that switching to the morning shift would mean waking up so _early_. 

Looking around the quaint shop, a faint smile graced my face. I loved the cozy atmosphere, the comfy bean bags and chairs strewn about the space. There were a lot of windows, letting in the morning light . Despite the headache the bright sunlight gave me, I couldn’t deny that it made the space feel safe. 

The bell on the door rang, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked towards the entrance as a tall, lanky person walked past the threshold. They were around 6’3 and wore a baggy black hoodie and jeans. I shifted my gaze to their face to see that they wore a plain, grey face mask and had an eyepatch residing just below a messy mop of shiny black curls. 

They walked up to the counter hesitantly, glancing at the menu and making some shapes with their hands which I belatedly identified as ASL. Unfortunately, I do not know ASL. I blinked at them and they sighed, pulling out their phone. I winced, feeling guilty for making them communicate in a way that was inconvenient for them. 

“S-sorry,” I stuttered out, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly. “I don’t know ASL.” They shrugged, turning their phone around to show it to me. I glanced down at it, seeing that it was opened to the notes app. The note read as follows:

**I’m mute. Can I have a medium black coffee? The name for the order is Adam.**

I nodded. “One medium black coffee coming right up! It’s nice to meet you, Adam!” They nodded their head towards me in what I assumed was their version of “Nice to meet you too,” so I beamed at them. I watched as he sat down at a beanbag, pulling a computer out of a backpack I hadn’t even noticed they’d had. 

I turned towards my shift-mate named… I haven’t learned their name yet, have I. A quick glance at their apron revealed that their name was Alex. A they/them pronoun button adorned their apron as well. _I should get a pronoun pin for my apron,_ I thought idly. I told them about Adam’s order and they immediately began to prepare it. Dang, the work ethic on this person was impeccable.

I took someone’s order as Alex fixed Adam’s drink. Just as I finished ringing up the customer, Alex tapped me on the back and handed me the drink. 

“Thanks, Alex. We have a large mocha frappe next,” I told them cheerily. 

“Got it…” they glanced at my apron, “Sykkuno.” I smiled at them as they got to work on the next order. 

I walked up to the counter. “One medium black coffee for Adam!” I called. When nobody moved, I glanced at where I remembered Adam to be sitting. They were still sitting in the beanbag, typing on their computer and bobbing their head softly. My attention was drawn to the large headphones resting over their ears. Ah, that’s why they didn’t react. 

I maneuvered around the counter, heading over to their chair to hand them their drink. As I got closer, I took the opportunity to get a closer look at them. They were undeniably handsome, even though I couldn’t see most of their face. Their hair looked soft and seemed light, the curls dancing around them as they tilted their head to the rhythm of a song I couldn’t hear. Their fingers danced across the keys of their laptop, their hands all sharp angles, thick rings decorating their fingers. Their eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. I saw a He/Him sticker on the back of his laptop.

As I approached him, his head turned to look at me, making eye contact with me. I pointed awkwardly towards the drink in my hand, and he took it. Adam brought his hand to his chin and unbent his arm, moving the hand to be facing up, palm out in front of him. I tilted my head curiously.

“Does that mean ‘thank you?’” I asked. He nodded, making me smile. “You are very welcome, Adam!” The area around his eye crinkled slightly, as if he was smiling. I waved at him as I went back to the counter, a slight blush on my face. He looked really cute when he smiled, and I couldn’t even see his entire face.

Adam remained in his spot for two more hours, typing and deleting dutifully the entire time. It was around 9 when he began packing up his stuff, during a slow moment of foot traffic for the store. I watched unabashedly as he zipped up his computer bag and walked up to the counte- wait, what? He approached me, pulling out his phone again. I waited patiently as he typed.

I eagerly glanced at the note once he turned his phone in my direction.

 **Thanks for bringing the drink over to me. I really appreciate it.** This man is too sweet.

“Aww, thanks! But, really, it’s nothing. It’s what anyone would do.” I countered. He gave me a strange look, typing without even looking at his keyboard.

 **Not anyone would do that, Sykkuno.** After he showed that to me, he walked away, leaving the store and leaving me thoroughly confused. Alex stepped up next to me, smirking in my direction. 

“He seems nice,” they commented slyly, like they could see through me even though we had pretty much never spoken before today. I blushed and shrugged.

“Yeah, I guess…” The rest of my shift passed fairly quickly, but my thoughts kept returning to a certain tall, mysterious man.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sykkuno’s POV**

It turns out that Adam is a regular at Deja Brew, appearing near every day at around 7 and staying to anywhere from 9 to 11. I don’t understand how that man gets up so early everyday, I can barely do it and I’m paid to! But no, he showed up nearly every day that I worked for the past two weeks, typing on his laptop at that beanbag in the corner.

A lot of people assume that I’m a morning person, given my reportedly “lively and fun” personality, but honestly? Mornings really, really suck. 

On a morning not unlike the others I was talking to Alex about their crush while we waited for the first customers to arrive. 

“Alex, you should ask her out! Seriously!” I urged, Alex blushing bright red at my proclamation.

“Yeah, no,” they dismissed. A devious gleam appeared in their eyes. “Tell me, though,” they began, “how’s _Adam_?” They pointedly emphasized the last word of their sentence. I didn’t even have to look at them to know they were smirking, it was practically palpable. 

It was my turn to blush as my face heated up substantially. “Wh-what do you mean?” I asked, feigning ignorance.

They rolled their eyes fondly “Sy, it’s so obvious that you’re into him!” they declared. My blush deepened, although I wasn’t sure how that was possible. The worst part is that I knew they were right. My thoughts often strayed to the man who frequented the coffee shop, and I didn’t know how to fix it.

I groaned, flopping my head face first onto their shoulder. “What do I do, Alex?” I asked woefully. They patted my head in sympathy, clicking their tongue.

After sighing in comradery, they said, “Suffer.” Guffawing, I slapped their hand away playfully and lifted my head from their shoulder.

They laughed and we continued setting up the shop for the day. Sure enough, a few minutes later the door rang. I turned my head in anticipation and was not disappointed. Adam strolled in, shoulders slightly hunched as always, and a sparkle in his eye. When he reached the counter he pulled out his phone, but I cut him off.

“Hi, Adam! It’s great to see you! 1 medium black coffee, right?” Adam looked at me, surprised, and nodded slowly. I grinned at him. “You hear that, Al?” I asked over my shoulder. They gave me an affirmation and I heard them gather the ingredients.

Adam handed me his credit card and I rang him up without delay. As I handed his card back, I chirped, “Enjoy your typing!” He gave me an odd look as he went and sat down. Shoot, was I being weird? I was being weird, wasn’t I. 

Alex snickered at me without turning around from where they were making Adam’s drink. “Shut up,” I mumbled in a half-hearted attempt to get them to stop. They only laughed harder, their quiet snickers transforming into chuckles and then full blown laughter.

They handed me his drink and I brought it to him, a now compulsory practice seeing as he could never hear me when I called his name. Adam looked up at me as I arrived next to his beanbag, giving me a small wave and signing a thank you. I had learned over the past two weeks that the same gesture also meant “you’re welcome,” so I returned the gesture to him, making him smile- not that I could see his lips. He never took his mask off, instead opting to use a straw so he could just feed it through the bottom of his mask. Adam’s gaze caught briefly on my brand new he/him pronoun pin, and he nodded to himself, returning to his work.

The morning rush passed in its usual bustle of chaos and lines. A few noticeable customers had a few choice words to me about how their drinks were made, but that was expected. All in all, it was a successful period of my shift. 

Glancing over, I noticed that Adam had finished his drink and was focusing entirely on his typing, but with longer pauses and more sighs than on average. He must be getting frustrated with whatever he’s working on. Alex caught my line of sight and smirked.

“Hey, Sy, you should go take your break,” they prompted. I frowned at them in confusion.

“Now?”

“Yes, now,” they urged, pushing me around the counter. “Go take your break near the bean bags and be ready to work in like 15 minutes.” Their tone left no room for argument, so I shrugged and walked to the beanbags. I blushed as I realized that their plan was for me to talk to Adam. 

_I guess I might as well,_ I thought. Approaching the beanbags, I saw adam do a double take, seemingly shocked at my appearance. 

“Uh, hey, is this seat taken?” I queried, gesturing to the empty bean bag across from him. He shook his head, so I took a seat, smiling shyly at him. He continued to look at me from over his computer, perplexed. “Uh, I’m on break, so I thought I’d just kinda hang out here… If that’s ok!” I added, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. He made a fist and shook it up and down, almost like his hand was nodding at me. “I’ll take that as a yes!” I chirped. He huffed in what I presumed was a laugh. I laughed too, covering my mouth with my hand.

“So, uh, what are you working on there?” I asked, and then winced. God, could I be any more awkward? Adam looked at me, and then looked at his computer. Then he looked at me, and looked at his computer. Just as I was about to backtrack, he turned on his phone, typing something on it. He handed it to me.

 **I’m writing, although I have really bad writer’s block rn** I nodded sympathetically as I passed the device back to him, even though I don’t write and have little to no experience with writer’s block. 

“That sucks,” I said, not knowing how else to respond. “What are you writing?” He paused, seeming to hesitate, before shrugging. “Oh, that’s ok! You don’t have to tell me if you aren’t comfortable,” I was quick to reassure, not wanting to pressure him into sharing anything he didn’t want to. I was practically a stranger, after all.

We made eye contact for a few painstakingly awkward seconds before Adam typed something else. 

**How are you today?** he had asked. I giggled, covering my laugh again with my hand.

“I’m doing pretty good! There were a few… less than kind customers today, but I got through it,” I told him. His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he frowned. Eyebrows are very expressive, I’m realizing. He typed furiously for a couple of seconds.

 **You shouldn’t have to deal with that. You’re like the nicest person on the planet.** I blushed, rubbing the back of my neck.

“I-I’m not that great,” I stammered. Adam just gave me a look. I shrugged. “So,” I began, eager to change the subject, “tell me about you!” Adam stared blankly at me. “Uhh, right, that’s kind of vague. How about, what’s your favorite non-domestic animal and why?” I asked. 

**Definitely a mongoose. It’s a fun word. Other than the word, I don’t know anything about them tho-** I laughed at his response.

“Valid point,” I told him. He typed for a moment.

 **How about you?** We chatted like that for around 10 more minutes before Alex regretfully had to call me back from my break to help with a wave of customers. 

As I turned away, Adam waved their hands to get my attention, showing me their screen once again.

 **Thanks for talking to me, Sykunno** the note read. I beamed, hiding my smile and waving before heading back to the counter, ignoring Alex’s teasing at my blush.

Today was a good day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I call people by their online names in this, so Scarra Lily Toast and Rae. Jsyk

**Sykkuno’s POV**

I couldn’t breathe, and it was all Adam’s fault.

Giggles bubbled up through my chest in peels of laughter, leaving me breathless. My face was slowly turning red from the lack of oxygen. Adam sat across from me, shoulders shaking more and more as he watched me, cackling uncontrollably, with an amused eye.

“Adam, you did _not!_ ” I said between fits of laughter, clutching my stomach. Adam nodded devilishly, his eye crinkling with laughter. The ‘Oh, but I did,’ while not explicitly said - due to obvious reasons - was heavily implied.

“I can’t believe you referred to that customer as a ‘toe-weasel,’” I giggled. “I don’t even know what that means!” Adam typed out a response while still giggling silently.  
**You don’t want to know,** he typed, sending me into another bought of laughs. I sipped my coffee as Alex sent me a thumbs up from where they were not-so-subtly watching Adam and I talk. I tried to shoo them away without drawing attention to the action but sadly was not successful.

Adam raised an eyebrow at me, tilting his head curiously. I paused mid-shoo. “Uh, I’m just telling Alex to go away,” I explained, pointing at the grinning person behind the register, who happily flipped me off as I gestured towards them. “They have no sense of boundaries!” I added, raising my voice a little to ensure I was heard. Adam nodded sympathetically, flipping off Alex in return - rather uncharacteristically, I might add. He’s usually very shy.

As I continued chatting with Adam, an idea struck me. I need to learn ASL. Adam is a really good sport with typing out his messages to me, but I could tell that it frustrated him when he wasn’t able to sign. He sometimes made short, aborted motions with his hands that I assumed were him going to sign and then remembering that I didn’t understand.

A determinedness settled over me. I was going to do this for Adam. 

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Adam waving his hand in front of me, an expectant and slightly concerned look on his face. He gestured to his phone. **You good?** it read. I blushed, embarrassed at being caught zoning out.

“Oh, y-yeah,” I smiled awkwardly, hiding it behind my hand. “I’m fine, just… spaced out for a bit.” Adam nodded, and I both loved and hated the understanding look in his eye.

“S-so,” I said, not knowing how to process his expression, “I should probably get back to my shift.” I pretended not to see the disappointed look on his face. 

**Yeah, probably.** he typed out. **Bye, Sykkuno!** I smiled at him and waved, turning around. I was starting to walk away when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whipped around to see Adam rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. He gestured at his phone and then at my phone which was in my apron pocket.

“Oh!” I exclaimed, pulling out my phone and handing it to him. He opened up the messages app and typed in his number, and I tried to control the butterflies threatening to escape my stomach. He wanted to talk to me, even outside of the coffee shop. My cheeks heated up as a hesitant smile covered my face. I watched him send himself a text and hand me my phone back. I set his contact to “Adam <3,” silently vowing to never show anyone in OTV that contact name, lest they tease me mercilessly. 

“Bye, Adam,” I murmured, suddenly feeling a bit shy. Adam smiled at me through his mask and gave a kind of salute, beginning to pack up his stuff. 

I reached the counter as the doorbell rang, signaling Adam leaving the shop. I looked at Alex and practically collapsed, curling my legs into my chest and screaming into my knee. Alex patted my back comfortingly, helping me through my mini-crisis. 

“HE ASKED FOR MY NUMBER!” I screeched, holding my head in my hands. “I’M SO AWKWARD OVER TEXT!” Thank whatever gods are out there that there was no one else in the store other than Alex and I. 

“Oh, Sykkuno,” Alex cooed in what was probably supposed to be a comforting voice. “You’re awkward in person too, hun.” I paused in my mental breakdown to glare at them. 

“Not helping.” They simply cackled, leaving me to my increasing insanity to go clean up. 

__________________________________________________________________________

When I arrived at the OTV house, I was met with a chorus of “Hi, Sykkuno!”s I smiled at all of them and waved.

“How was work? Rae, who was visiting, asked. I blushed and shrugged, causing Scarra, Lily, and Toast to snap their heads towards me with sharkish grins.

“Sykkuno,” Toast began in a tone that I didn’t much care for, “do you have something you want to share with the group?” I swear to god one of these days I’m going to wipe that grin off his knowing face. Not literally, of course, I would never hurt my friends. But, verbally eviscerate them I might. For now, though, my face heated up even further.

“Uh, it’s nothing really, just this um… guy… I met at work a few weeks ago,” I explained begrudgingly, mumbling the last few words. The rest of the group were smiling now too, silently urging me to share more. I relented, sitting down on the edge of the couch.

“Ok, so, his name is Adam, and he is really nice. He’s mute so he talks through notes on his phone but he’s really funny. He always wears a face mask and eye patch so I don’t really know what he looks like but he has black curly hair and he’s really tall and I think I kind of like him but I’ve only known him for a few weeks but I did get his number today so I guess things are going well-” My gushing ramble was cut off by an incredulous Lily.

“Back up,” she demanded. “You got his NUMBER?!?” I shook my head yes, a smile growing on my face. Next thing I knew, I was enveloped in a hug, Lily crashing into me as she squeezed my torso. “That’s great!” she practically screamed.

“She’s right,” Toast agreed. “Although, I can’t believe I’m losing my #1 Simp,” he groused. I giggled, knowing he wasn’t actually upset. 

“You’ll manage,” I reassured sarcastically. “I’m gonna go work on some stuff in my room. See you guys in a bit!” With that, I left to go to my room.

I sat down in my gaming chair, booting up my computer. When it started, I opened up chrome. 

_Where to learn ASL fast_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know next to nothing about OTV so if I mention someone who doesn't live there and act like they live there, I'm sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its confusing that I'm calling everyone by their streamer name, but I'm going to call jacksepticeye sean. Sorry for the confusion XD

**Sykkuno’s POV**

As it turns out, learning ASL is not as easy as I expected it to be. It makes sense, seeing as it is a language. I just wasn’t expecting a completely different sentence structure, I guess. It’s been about two months since I started learning ASL, and I think I understand more than I can communicate. I’m really lucky that my friend, Sean (also known as Jacksepticeye), is fluent in ASL and was happy to help me out. 

Speaking of Sean, I am currently on a video chat with him over discord. We have weekly chats to practice ASL and just catch up. “Best friend,” Sean began, a curious tone in his voice, “I think it’s great that you’re learning ASL, honestly everyone should learn it, but you gotta tell me why. What happened in that big brain of yours that got you interested in learning sign language?” I blushed a bit. I haven’t told Sean about Adam, knowing that he would just tease me relentlessly, but I couldn’t lie. 

“Uh…” I stammered and watched with horrified eyes as Sean’s curiosity morphed into gleeful suspicion.

“Yes?” he drawled. Sighing, I resigned myself to my fate.

“So there’s this guy who comes to Deja Brew a lot…” I started, Sean’s grin somehow becoming even wider. “His name is Adam and he’s mute, so I just thought I’d learn ASL so he doesn’t have to talk to me through notes,” I admitted. 

“Awww, Sykkuno!” Sean exclaimed. I rubbed the back of my neck, something I’ve been doing a lot of lately. ‘That is the _cutest_ thing!” I shrugged. 

“C-can we just get back to the ASL please?” I asked almost desperately, my face heating to unhealthy levels. Sean mercifully acquiesced, but not without one last playful comment.

“Sure, best friend. We can go back to ASL so you can talk to your mushykins easier,” he reassured, like the monster that he is. 

“Shut up,” I mumbled, childish indignation setting in. Sean just cackled.

“Ok,” he said, signing simultaneously with his speech, “I hope you are ready for a few new concepts.” I was staring intently at his hands, determined to learn this new language as fast as possible. 

_________________________________________________

About an hour later, we wrapped up the lesson. My head was swimming with the new information, sentence structure and eyebrow placement ingrained into my brain. It was really interesting to learn something so different from what I’m used to, there were so many things about ASL that were so different from English. 

“Well, this was fun, Sykkuno,” Sean said, a bittersweet smile on his face, “but we tragically have a stream in like 15 minutes.” I checked the time, my eyes widening.

“Oh shoot!” I exclaimed, scrambling to set up the privacy divider behind my chair. 

Sean laughed. “Are you physically incapable of swearing?” he asked me. I giggled and chose not to respond. “One day, Sykkuno,” he declared. “One day. Alright, I’m going to set up my stream, bye best bud Sykkuno!” 

“Bye, Sean!” I hung up the discord call and got to work turning on my camera and setting up everything necessary for the stream. 

___________________________________________________

I thanked people for subs as we found people to fill the remaining spots in the game after Lily left.

“Did you guys find anybody to play?” Sean questioned suddenly, unmuting his mic.

Toast responded, “I got one person coming. I don’t have, like, the second person if someone else has one.” 

“I might have someone, but they went offline again,” Sean informed us. After a moment, “Oh, yeah, I have another one.” Sean asked some questions about inviting the new person to the discord server. 

“I wonder who Jack invited,” I wondered aloud. It always felt weird calling him Jack, but I didn’t want to confuse any viewers by calling him Sean. 

“Who are you bringing, Jack?” Ludwig asked, voicing my thoughts.

“Uh, Corpse Husband, the man with the best voice you will ever hear.” I widened my eyes at the intense response to Sean’s apparently controversial statement. 

“Sykkuno, you going to take that?” Toast questioned incredulously. 

“Wait, Sykkuno, that’s fighting words,” Rae added, fueling the joking controversy.

“Oh, believe me, you will all side with him once he gets here,” Sean proclaimed, earning a few “Wow”s and skeptical affirmations.

“Uhh,” I stammered to the chat, not knowing how to react to the attention. 

“Sykkuno you have to duel him with your voice,” Rae demanded, making me slightly uncomfortable. Why did it have to be a competition?

“Duel vote in-game with voice and then kill them in real game,” Ludwig added, and I had no idea what that meant. However, before I could ask for clarification, Sean spoke.

“Also, Corpse is a good imposter so it’ll be interesting.” Sean talked again as someone joined the call. “There he is!”

“Oh, we got Mr. Corpse here,” I said to my chat, not knowing what to expect.

“Yo Corpse, what’s going on?” Ludwig questioned.

“Hello, friend,” a new voice, presumably belonging to Corpse, said. The response was overwhelming, everyone practically screaming in surprise at the deep, rumbling voice this mysterious Corpse Husband had. I just raised my eyebrows and nodded slightly, acknowledging that Corpse had a very neat voice.

“Kick Sykkuno, Kick Sykkuno,” was demanded.

“Hi, Mr.-” I paused in my introduction, confused. “Wait what? Wh- w-” I broke off into nervous laughter.

“Corpse’s voice is like infrasonic base,” Sean joked, making a few of the people in the lobby speak up and agree.

“Is that real?” Rae queried. Everyone paused, waiting for an answer.

“Not a voice changer,” came Corpse’s quiet voice, sounding slightly shaken for some reason. 

“It’s real, believe me.” I privately wondered how Sean knew.

“Ok Sykkuno and Corpse need to fistfight,” Rae declared, and I giggled awkwardly.

“I bet you look wimpy,” Ludwig said confidently.

“I… don’t know,” Corpse began, “I haven’t done a face reveal.”

“That's pretty bold of you to say, Lud,” Sean commented. Ludwig and Corpse went back and forth about how appearances are deceiving for a moment. “He doesn’t look like what he sounds like, for sure.” I found myself wondering what Corpse did look like, imagining broad shoulders and a large frame. I shook myself out of my thoughts after a moment, finding my friends still fawning over the newcomer’s voice.

“It’s ok Sykkuno, I still love you,” Sean reassured needlessly. I still appreciated the gesture, though. We switched maps and then got into the game. 

Corpse was a really good player, although he really struggled with the card swipe task. I swear, though, he gets imposter every other round. 

After a little while, it was time for me to wrap up my stream. “Bye, guys!” I said to the group.

A chorus of “bye”s sounded through the call.

“Bye, Sykkuno,” Corpse’s baritone came through my headphones and I held back a small blush. 

“Bye, Corpse.” I logged off of the call without further adieu, closing down my stream after a brief goodbye. I sighed, leaning back in my chair. 

I think I’m finally good enough at sign language to show Adam what I’ve learned. I couldn’t wait to go to work tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! I think it feels kind of rushed but overall I'm content with it!
> 
> Corpse's POV next!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I am going to write the ASL in english format. I understand that there aren’t filler words in ASL, nor does ASL have the same sentence structure as english. I am writing it in english format for the ease of the reader. enjoy the chapter!
> 
> TW panic attack, negative thinking

**Corpse’s POV**

I turned off my computer, sitting back in my chair with a shaky breath. Fuck. _Fuck. **FUCK!**_

What the fuck am I going to do? What the fuck _can_ I do? 

Jack, with his _sunrise, tea leaves, daffodil, paint_ didn’t tell me that _Sykkuno_ was going to be in the lobby! But why would he? He doesn’t know that I know him! My real life and my online life were _never supposed to overlap!_ But here I am, panicking with my entire world flipped on its head and no idea what to do.

My breaths came in short, labored gasps and I clutched my shirt, hoping for some kind of reprieve from the emptiness in my lungs. 

I forced myself to think. Breathing patterns. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Repeat. I waited until my breathing was slightly more under control before I began a grounding exercise. 5 things I can see. l looked around somewhat frantically. Computer, wall, microphone, lamp, hand. 4 things I can feel. Pants, chair, hair, floor. My breath came slightly easier. 3 things I can hear. Fan, breathing, fridge (why now, fridge?) 2 things I can smell. Candle, unfinished leftovers on my desk. 1 thing I can taste. Said leftovers.

I took a deep breath, feeling calmer than I did a few minutes ago. Holding my head in my hands, I came to a realization. 

I have to tell him. I have to tell him I can talk. I have to come clean right now or this will just spiral and become even more of a clusterfuck than it already is.

I clenched my fists. I have to tell him. 

The next morning came quickly, too quickly, preceded by another night of staring at the ceiling. I have to face Sykkuno _mahogany, embers, sunny days, forests_ and tell him that I’ve been lying to him for months.

I got dressed in my typical attire of a hoodie and jeans, and put on my eye patch and face mask. My hands shook as I tied my shoes.

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and left my apartment without much fuss, closing and locking the door behind me. I double checked that it was locked, then checked once more _just in case_ and went on my merry way.

Well, merry way isn’t that accurate. I am dreading this confrontation. What if he asks me to leave? What if he hates me? What if he walks away and never talks to me again? I shook my head, forcing myself to focus on the task at hand (walking) and not on my thoughts. 

Soon enough, I arrived at Deja Brew, no longer feeling that sense of _sea foam, petrichor, bubbles_ and instead just felt fear, anticipation, dread. 

I opened the door to the quaint little store, and watched as Sykkuno and his friend, Alex, I think their name is, turned their heads to me. Sykkuno beamed and excused himself from behind the counter, bouncing over to me.

I took a breath, steeling myself for what I was about to do. I was about to talk. In public. I opened my mouth behind my mask to speak, but the words caught in my throat. Sykkuno was… signing to me?

**Hi, Adam!** he signed, fingerspelling my name. What the fuck. **How are you this morning?** he asked, his signing slightly sloppy and his sentence structure stilted. I understood him nonetheless.

I replied in ASL on instinct. **I’m good.** I was most certainly not good. Sykkuno’s smile stretched even wider though, so I suppose that it was worth it to lie. I had to ask. **You learned ASL,** I paused in disbelief, **for me?** Sykkuno affirmed this through sign.

“Yeah, I’ve been practicing for about two months now, and I definitely understand more than I can say, well, not say, but you know what I mean, but that’s ok cause I can still talk because you can hear, why am I saying that you know you can hear, but yeah I just thought I’d learn so you didn’t have to type on your phone anymore, so-“ Sykkuno kept talking, but I no longer heard him over the ringing of my ears. He spent _two months_ learning ASL to communicate with a man who wasn’t even mute. I am an awful person.

I can’t tell him now, he’ll hate me for sure. I don’t have a choice. My soul felt like _glass shards, deep grey, empty room_. I tuned back into the end of his ramble. “-it’s been really fun, my friend Sean has been helping me learn!” I nodded, not knowing how to respond, eventually settling on a basic response.

**That’s cool**. I watched him deflate a little at the unenthused response, and scrambled to say more. **Seriously, I appreciate it** I added, using exaggerated motions to hopefully convey how much it meant to me. And it did, it did mean so much, this man took so much time out of his life to learn a new language for _me_ his ~~boy~~ friend at the coffee shop.

My hands shook slightly as I lowered them, guilt wracking me so strongly it made me tremble. Sykkuno took one of my hands, not commenting on their quaking, and led me to the beanbags we frequented, chatting all the while. We talked for around 20 minutes and it all felt so _normal_ , so painfully ordinary, I couldn’t stand it. 

At the end of the twenty minutes, a customer — one of the first of the day — walked in, Sykkuno making his departure to help Alex make the drink. I took this moment to make my exit. I waved goodbye at a bewildered Sykkuno and left the store under two hours from my arrival for the first time in nearly threee months. 

I arrived back at my apartment and trudged to my bed, absentmindedly tossing my computer bag to the ground as I collapsed. Only two thoughts were in my head. I don’t deserve him. He can never know.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW Violence, Aggression, Shock

**Sykkuno’s POV**

I watched in confusion as Adam left the store, not understanding what was happening. He didn’t even open up his computer. Shaking my head, I helped Alex make the customer’s order. As the - hopefully - satisfied customer left the store, I sighed and hung my head.

“Was it something I said?” I asked Alex miserably. I really thought he’d appreciate the sign language. Tears threatened to fall, but I blinked them away furiously. I can’t cry at work, I reminded myself. 

Alex gave me a hug. “You did nothing wrong, Sy,” they reassured as I sniffled into their shoulder. “If he doesn’t appreciate what you did then he’s an asshole and he doesn’t deserve you.” I gave a small nod, signalling that I understood. I squeezed them slightly before pulling away, wiping away a stray tear that managed to escape. 

________________________________________

The next few days passed abhorrently slowly, my life consisting of working. I hadn’t been feeling up to streaming the past couple of days. I was a horrible co-worker too, my head in the clouds as I took orders, Alex sending me concerned glasses while making drinks. Adam hadn’t shown up for almost a week, but I didn’t text him, wanting to respect his privacy. I looked at the door as the bell rang, a small part of me hoping that it would be Adam walking through the doors. 

Alas, it was not Adam, but an angry looking middle-aged customer storming into the coffee shop. I made eye contact with Alex and we shared a look, Alex squeezing my shoulder as a sign of good luck. We both had experience with nightmare customers. I took a breath in preparation and stepped up to the counter, putting on my best customer service face.

“Hello, welcome to Deja Brew! How may I help you today?” The customer scowled at me in response. 

“Black coffee,” was their… concise statement. I nodded, beginning to ring it up.

“Sure thing! Any cream or sugar?” Their frown grew angrier.

“Are you fucking dumb? I said a black coffee!” I gulped, ringing up the order with no further comment. I was _not_ in a good headspace for this. Alex made the drink quickly, us both wanting this person out of the store sooner rather than later. I handed their card back to them after I charged the drink, and they snatched it from me with a malicious snarl, like I had personally scorned them. 

A minute later I was handing them their drink, thankful that they were leaving. They took a sip of their coffee, swallowing it before their face contorted with anger. “What the fuck did you do to my drink?” they screeched. “There’s no cream in this shit!”

“Uh, y-you said you just wanted a black c-coffee,” I stuttered, startled. I didn’t know what to do.

“I didn’t mean no cream!” they yelled. “You are incompetent! I can’t believe I have to deal with this shitty service!” The few other customers in the store were watching with wide eyes, but I paid them no mind. 

“S-sir,” I tried, but was cut off. 

“You should be fucking ashamed of yourself! I won’t stand for this shit!” I heard the door opening but couldn’t draw my attention away from the enraged customer in front of me.

“We- we can remake the drink for y-” I stopped talking as my body was covered in scalding hot liquid. I froze in shock, time seemingly slowing down and my vision going blurry. I distantly heard the customer stopping their rant as skin hit skin, but couldn’t determine what caused it as someone, Alex, I presumed, led me into the back. I sat down in one of the shitty chairs in the staff room. My skin felt cold despite the heat of the coffee. I accepted a cloth that Alex handed me, drying my clothes the best I could with shaky hands. 

I saw someone kneel in front of me, and focused my vision. _Adam_ , my brain identified the person in front of me as. Latent surprise settled in my body, but I couldn’t feel it over the heavy numbness coursing through me. I looked at his hands blankly as they made shapes, my mind not registering them as anything of use. The knuckles on one of his hands were rapidly bruising. I couldn’t bring myself to worry. 

His hands stopped making those symbols and he took my hand in his, squeezing lightly. Slowly, the tingling numbness faded and time returned to normal speed. The now-cooling coffee weighed down my clothes as they stuck to my skin. I squeezed Adam’s hand back, albeit belatedly, and made eye contact as he looked at me worriedly. 

I began to shiver, tremors wracking my body. “A-Adam,” I croaked. He squeezed my hand, tighter this time, before pulling his away.

 **Hi, Sykkuno,** he signed hesitantly. I could actually understand him this time. My eyes once again honed in on his freshly-bruised hand. 

“What happened to your hand?” I blurted, not having the presence of mind to filter myself.

 **I ???? them,** he said. I couldn’t understand the second word, so repeated the motion with a tilted head and lowered eyebrows to convey my confusion.

 **P-U-N-C-H-E-D,** he spelled out, and I nodded in understanding before my eyes widened.

“You WHAT?!” I ~~shrieked~~ yelled incredulously, causing Adam to wince at the loud noise. I can’t believe he did that.

 **They threw _coffee_ on you!** he signed defensively. 

“Are you ok?” I asked, concerned He nodded reassuringly and I sighed, leaning back in my chair. I picked at my soggy clothes with a disgruntled expression.

Alex, who was standing off to the side. put down their phone. “Hey, dude, I just texted our boss. She said yoh can go home,” they informed me. I let out a breath of relief. 

My shaking had died down a bit. **Do you want me to walk you home?** Adam asked, eyebrows furrowed. I glanced at Alex who shrugged and sent a thumbs up.

“Th-that would be great,” I said. Adam took my hand and pulled me to my feet, waiting patiently as I hung up my now coffee soaked apron and grabbed my phone. We walked out of the store in amicable silence, although I still wasn’t totally at ease.

I let Adam know when I was turning, and soon we arrived at the OTV house. “Thanks for walking me,” I said as I opened the door, forgetting until it was too late that Rae and Toast were home. They glanced curiously from the couch at the man I was standing next to. 

**Of course.** I waved as I closed the door behind me, ignoring my friends’ confused questioning as they took in my appearance. 

“I’ll tell you guys later,” I assured over my shoulder, walking to my room. Exhaustion set in as the shock fully faded away, and I stood like a zombie in the shower. 

It was only after I changed into comfy clothes and was lying in my bed that I realized I had never talked to Adam about what was wrong. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Corpse’s POV**

I sat at my desk, foot tapping restlessly, slamming my forehead into my hands repeatedly. This song did not want to be _fucking written!_ I can’t _think_! Stupid. _Smack._ Fucking. _Smack_. Brain! _Smack_

I glared at the sunlight pouring through the curtains of my apartment. I gave my hands a break and hit my head back against the head of my chair. Truth be told, my mind has been elsewhere for a few days, since I had my mini-freak out and left the store suddenly without really saying goodbye. 

I hadn’t spoken to Sykkuno in practically a week, the longest I’ve gone without speaking to him since I met him three months ago. My issues are coming in hot with the classic avoidance tactic. Yay. 

But, just because I haven’t seen him, doesn’t mean his _whipped cream, electric blankets, christmas trees_... his everything wasn’t on my mind. I missed him. And I hate that I fucking miss him because I _can’t_ miss him because I can’t tell him the truth because… I can’t _let him down_. So I’m half asleep at my desk because I haven’t had coffee in a week cause I’d feel like an asshole if I went to a Starbucks and I broke my coffee pot in a mental breakdown last week. And, I can’t even fucking write a song and all of my fans ~~fake fans, they don’t really like me~~ will get bored and leave and I’ll be a failure! 

Fuck, I’m spiralling. Fuck brains, honestly. I’ve gone through too much therapy to deal with shit like negative thinking. But, it doesn’t fucking work like that, does it. No, I’ve had years of therapy and the only thing I got out of it is actually being aware of my bullshit instead of living in blissful ignorance. Fuck therapy, too. 

God damnit, there I go getting distracted _again_. I trained my uncovered eye on my computer screen for the hundredth time, rereading the lyrics. 

_I was lost until I found you  
But now I’m feeling brand new  
I still don’t know what to do  
But at least I’m lost with you_

_Can barely hear over all the shit my head says  
Covering my ears with a hood (it doesn’t help)  
I haven’t slept in three days  
But at least now my thoughts are about something good_

My hands paused over the keyboard for a few seconds. 10 seconds. A minute. One of them came up to drag down my face. I need new inspiration. My muse is all fucked up because I haven’t even talked to the person who the song is about because I keep getting scared! 

Before I could talk myself out of it, I threw my laptop in my bag and put on my mask, exiting the apartment. I double checked the lock, and then I was on my way. 

I spent the walk brainstorming what to say, conversation starters, et cetera. I couldn’t just walk in and be like ‘Hey, I know I fucking ignored you for a week but I’m here now so lets act like nothing happened!’ I’m screwed. 

I looked through the glass windows of the shop (wow, that walk went fast), and paused at what I saw. A clearly distraught Sykkuno was talking to a customer who was shouting so loud, I could hear them through the wall. I clenched my fists, anger surging up inside of me. How _dare_ they talk to Sykkuno that way? I was walking through the door before I even registered the fact that I was moving, heart clenching as Sykkuno’s fear-filled face became even clearer. 

I was storming up to the register when the bitch-ass customer tore the lid off of their coffee cup, launching the contents onto Sykkuno. I got one look of Sykkuno’s full body flinch and lost control, punching the asshole in their smug face. I seethed as Alex led Sykkuno in the back, feeling all _singed hair, closed windows, scorching sunlight_ and as the customer whirled around to face me I pointed over my shoulder, sending them a look that could kill as I gestured for them to leave. 

They were still holding their cheek as they scuttled out of the restaurant. With the immediate threat gone, I invited myself into the back room. I knocked on the door frame, silently asking permission to be there. Alex looked me up and down, hesitating before nodding. They went to get a cloth and I crouched in front of Sykkuno who was sitting stock-still in a chair. 

**How are you feeling?** I asked. He stared at me, uncomprehending. **Sykkuno?** No reaction other than his eyes focusing slightly as they honed in on my throbbing hand. He’s probably in shock. 

I took his hand in mine and squeezed, hopefully offering the support that he needed. A few minutes later Sykkuno squeezed back, looking at my face. He was shaking violently. 

“A-Adam,” he said, his voice hoarse. 

I reluctantly pulled my hand away to sign, resolutely ignoring the voice in my head telling me that I could keep holding his hand if I just came clean. **Hi, Sykkuno.**

“What happened to your hand?” he asked bluntly, causing me to suppress a wince. 

**I punched them,** I informed him. He looked at me blankly, repeating the sign for ‘punch’ while doing that fucking adorable head-tilt he does. 

**P-U-N-C-H-E-D,** I elaborated. 

I watched Sykkuno go through the five stages of grief all at once. “You WHAT?!?” he screeched emphatically. I winced in sympathy for my ears. 

**He threw _coffee_ at you!** I defended. 

Are you ok?” he asked, a concerned tone in his voice. I nodded, wanting to reassure him and he sighed in relief. I watched him pick at his soggy clothes with a disconcerted facial expression. 

Alex got our attention from where they were standing off to the side. “Hey, dude, I just texted our boss. She said you can go home,” they informed Sykkuno. He let out a breath of relief. 

__His shaking had died down a bit. **Do you want me to walk you home?** I queried. He sent Alex a look._ _

__“Th-that would be great,” He said. I took his hand and pulled him to his feet, waiting patiently as he hung up his now coffee soaked apron. I really hoped he was ok. We walked out of the store in a comfortable quiet, but I could tell that Sykkuno still wasn’t totally at ease._ _

__Sykkuno told me when to turn as we walked, but otherwise we let silence reign and soon we arrived at the OTV house. “Thanks for walking me,” he murmured, opening the door, revealing two people sitting on the couch. I heard the end of their conversation before it was cut short by the arrival, and deduced that they were Rae and Toast by the sound of their voices._ _

__**Of course,** I said in response to Sykkuno’s thank you. He waved at me as he closed the door, leaving me alone on the doorstep. _ _

__I trudged back to my apartment, remnants of anger still in my system. I hope Sykkuno was doing some self care or something._ _

__I unlocked my apartment door and set down my bag in the entryway, not feeling like dragging it to the counter. I pulled my laptop out of it and sat down at my desk once more, ready to write some more_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not good at song writing but i’m good at poems so the song- or what’s there of it- is more a poem format. sorry bout that XD


	8. Chapter 8

**Sykkuno’s POV**

I woke up from my nap by a knock on my bedroom door. “Sykkuno, you ok?” Toast asked worriedly. 

“Unghghhdkshfi,” I responded eloquently. 

“Can I come in?” he asked. I groaned, rubbing my eyes with my hands, frowning at the pain in my neck. I forced myself to open my eyes, sloppily grabbing my phone and turning on the camera. A gasp left my mouth, looking down at my angry red skin. . I guess the shock hadn’t completely faded back at the store, I didn’t even feel it as I walked home. I definitely felt it now, though, pain pulsed through my neck and down my chest, and my entire torso felt itchy. I couldn’t see my chest and arms though, they were covered by my pajama shirt. “Sykkuno?” Toast repeated.

“You can come in,” I confirmed, sitting up and trying to hide my neck in my shirt, pulling it up to my chin with my sweater paws. Toast slowly opened the door, peeking his head in with concern shining in his eyes. He sat down in my gaming chair, the privacy divider folded up near the door. 

“How you feeling?” he asked. I shrugged, still not fully free from sleep’s clutches. Without thinking, I let go of the neckline of my shirt to rub at my eyes again, not realizing what I’d done till I heard Toast’s sharp intake of breath. “What _happened?_ ” he asked, acting very much like a protective older brother. 

I rubbed the back of my neck. “Customer,” I mumbled. Toast’s eyes widened.

“A _customer did that?_ ” I nodded, pulling up my sleeve to show the red skin on my arm as well. 

“Threw coffee,” I elaborated. Toast hummed, trying to stay calm but I could tell he was angry.

“Did you press charges?” I shook my head mutely. “Why not?” he asked softly. I both appreciated and hated the gentle tone in his voice.

“It just happened really fast,” I murmured. Toast sighed, but nodded. “‘M ok, though,” I tried to reassure. Toast gave me a look.

“Sykkuno, I know your liar voice,” he said seriously. “For real, how are you?” Tears formed in my eyes unbidden. 

“It was really scary,” I whispered. The damn broke and a tear fell down my cheek. I wiped it away furiously. I took a shaky breath, wrapping my arms around myself. 

Toast enveloped me in a hug, and I returned it, crying into his shoulder. Today had been really stressful, and I really needed this support. Adam is great, but there’s something about a close friend that’s different when it comes to comfort. 

I decided to ignore the fact that I didn’t put Adam in the close friend category. Despite us talking all the time, I was hesitant to call him a friend for reasons I’m not sure I’m ready to face. 

So, for now I just took solace in my friends embrace. 

“Adam punched them in the face,” I told Toast as I finally pulled away from the hug. His eyes widened.

“Good,” he said after a pause. Despite myself, I giggled. A small, hesitant giggle, still weighed down by the stress of the day, but a giggle none the less. Toast gave in and laughed as well, a quiet chuckle leaving his throat. “We should probably put some ointment on your burns,” he prompted gently after a moment. (Idk how to treat burns Idk if thats right)

“Yeah, probably,” I acquiesced. Toast dug around in cabinets for a few minutes before returning with some aloe vera lotion. 

“I’ll leave you alone for a minute so you can apply this,” he told me, leaving the room. Sighing, I pulled off my shirt. My entire chest and abdomen were red and looked slightly swollen. Dang coffee and it’s burning tendencies.

I applied the lotion to the burns, hissing sligntly at the tenderness of the skin and the cold of the ointment. After I rubbed that in, I pulled my sweater back on, pulling it over my hands. Big sweaters made me feel safe, like the world couldn't get to me within the confines of my hoodie. 

I opened the door for Toast, who was leaning against the wall outside of my room. He pushed himself off of said wall, standing next to me. “You want to go talk to everyone?” he asked cautiously. “They’re all worried about you.” I took a deep breath, nodding slightly. I had to talk to them at some point, right? I couldn’t hide in my room forever. Right?

Walking into the living room was less stressful than I expected, everyone in light conversation. It was the moments after I entered the room that was intense. The conversations people were having halted so suddenly I thought my ears had stopped working.

But, alas, no one's mouths were moving anymore either. Why was coming home in soaking wet clothes and then going straight to your room without talking to anyone for hours such a big deal? Well, I guess I get why they’re concerned. Doesn’t make it any less awkward, though. 

Rae was the first to break the silence. “Hi, Sykkuno!” she said brightly, and honestly bless her for that. I appreciate Toast so much but I don’t know if I can take any more coddling. 

“Hi, Rae,” I said genuinely, if not slightly less enthusiastically. That spurred the others into speaking, everyone greeting Toast and I in some manner..

“What happened?” Scarra asked bluntly.

Having grown almost numb to the situation at this point (although I’m sure I’ll still freak out about it later), I responded honestly. “Oh, a customer threw coffee on me and Adam punched them in the face.” A pause.

“Sykkuno, what the fuck?” Rae exclaimed, the only response I could hear over Lily’s incoherent screeching. I shrugged noncommittally. 

“Well, you’re ok now, right?” Lily asked after she got herself under control. I nodded, but toast gave me a look and then made a “so-so” gesture. Fair enough. I was about to say more when I got a text notification.

Pulling out my phone, I saw that it was from Adam.

 **Adam <3: How are you feeling?** I smiled down at my phone.

 **Me: A bit better, I got a bit burned tho** I don’t know why I told him that, I know he’s gonna worry. Sure enough,

 **Adam <3: That sucks :(((** Is ent the shrug emoji in response. 

**Adam <3: 🙄 /lh /nm** I giggled quietly, putting down my phone and rejoining the conversation. It seems like Adam and I would be ok. I still had to talk to him about this past week, but that would come later. For now, I just basked in the warmth of the conversations I was having with those closest to me.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think!


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